Forgiveness is HARD!
I mean, it is very very hard.
Think about it: there’s really no logical reason why I should forgive you. You hurt me, didn’t you? I am hurt, am I not? So tell me why I should leave my injured self to attend to you by considering what you did as ‘nothing’? Or isn’t that what forgiveness is about? To wave off your wrong-doing?
Can’t you see it’s hard? Hard like a coconut. Rough on the surface and hard to crack. Rough and hard because it’s tough to do, and trying it might just bruise me. So why bother? I stand by my right to choose if I want to be bruised from trying to crack the hard husk of the coconut called forgiveness by forgiving you, and I choose not to. I’m still healing. Healing from your hurt anyway.
So leave me alone. What a wise man, that man, Alexander Pope was when he said “To err is human, to forgive, divine.” How much you have erred as the human you are, so why expect the divine from me? Am I God?
But what hurts me the most is that you’re always in my mind. With every thought I am reminded of what you did and my clot is scratched again, and I bleed. I heard from an unknown source that keeping a grudge is like allowing someone live rent-free in my head, and for sure, you have moved in with your family and friends and have refused to leave. A hundred people might walk into the room with you in the midst of them, and for whatever reason, you’re the one I smell and spot from a mile away, like my eyes have installed a sensor just to monitor you.
Why? Why? WHY do you torment me so?
I want to be FREE!
Isn’t there an alternate state of things where I can choose not to forgive you and not dwell in the hurt at the same time? Isn’t there a way I can eat this cake and have it? Is there no magical way of enjoying my coconut without bruising myself trying to crack it?
But there really is no other way.
You see, forgiveness is indeed a coconut. Hard on the outside and almost impossible to break, especially if you’re using the wrong tools. But inside the coconut is something so refreshing that a drink of it’s content will quench the deepest thirst of any soul. So how can I access this freedom-giving drink of forgiveness?
Sometimes we try to rationalise. What if he didn’t apologise? What if she’s not sorry? What if they do it again? That’s us holding that coconut trying to peel it like an orange. At the end, we’re left with splinters in our fingers and a very hard shell still whole. The hard shell: our heart constantly on defence mode, waiting for the next blunder to point out, expecting to be hurt one more time, and some more. We turn ourselves into mad people digging through the piles of people’s rubbish looking for the dirt with our names on it. Somehow everyone has become someone new who is out to get you. Because of that time you were hurt, and you didn’t let go. Isn’t that such a sad way to live?
Corrie ten Boom once said, “Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.” But beyond the act of ones will is the desire to be treated in like-manner. I ask myself how many times I have hurt people and how much I have hoped they forgive me. I ask myself how many times I have erred and how I wish my error was forgotten. My desire for others to bury my wrongs and overlook my imperfections should drive me to do same for those who have wronged me. Only then is the will commanded to act. Only then do I open the doors of my heart to set free those I have trapped by my choice of unforgiveness. Only then do I realise that I am as undeserving as they are as deserving also of what I desire.
Unless you think you’re perfect . . . then this pill is not for you. I’ll schedule your heart surgery!
So get your coconut, drill a hole through one of the eyes and drink of it’s refreshing content with a straw. When you’re done, crack it in two with a hammer and fill yourself with the meat therein. After you’ve had your fill, get the husks and start a fire to keep yourself warm, because really, holding a grudge is like being hungry and thirsty while living in subzero temperatures.
Now go on.
You can do it.
You’re strong enough!
Refreshing, wasn’t it?😉
Featured Image by Max Lakutin