A lot has led to this piece below. It’s a journey of many years, but a journey that has now come to an end. This is my testimony, and I am proud to share it unreservedly:
I have been a victim, but I have also played the victim.
I have had low self-esteem, but I have also lowered my esteem.
I have suffered from the words of others, but I have also battered myself with my words.
I have longed for the approval of others but hardly approved of myself.
I have sought for love in all the wrong places but barely loved myself.
I have lived in the fear of rejection when daily I rejected myself.
I have watched others try to dim my light but I’ve never allowed my light to shine.
I have been molested but molest myself daily living in the shadows of my past.
I have belittled myself so you can pity me, I project weakness only to identify with you. When did I believe it was okay to muddy myself in your dirt so I can look like you?
I commend you by portraying a weaker me in comparison to the strength you seem to display, but deep down inside I’m wondering why I just can’t commend your strength and simply walk away.
I have also pretended to walk among the strong while my legs were shivering in weakness, only to keep up appearances, even when no one was really watching. It’s sad the reality of life when one chooses to live for the eyes of men, neglecting the One who truly sees all.
The devil thought he won the battle on my identity, but the Cross is his permanent defeat. All those years of attacking my mind from my childhood up to this point, trying to destroy and pervert all the God made has failed.
I AM FREE!!!
I have been free but didn’t accept my freedom to live in the truth of it, but today, everything has changed.
I am free from playing the victim
I am free to live my God-esteem
I am free from the words that caged me
I am free to be who God made me be
I am free from the shadows of my past
I am free to shine His light
I am free from my fears of rejection
I am free to enjoy the greatest love of all
I am free from rolling in the mud of others
I am free to stand strong
I am free to walk forgiven
I am free to forgive
I am OluwaTosin, I am God’s child . . .
I AM FREE!
“They have greatly oppressed me from my youth,” let Israel say; “they have greatly oppressed me from my youth, but they have not gained the victory over me. Ploughmen have ploughed my back and made their furrows long. But the Lord is righteous; he has cut me free from the cords of the wicked.” Psalm 129:1-4