“Daddy, in my obedience, You tantalize me more than any man can afford. You remain the best Father I could never afford.”Tosin
This year, a lot has happened in my quaters, as much as it has with the rest of the world. I wouldn’t know where to begin if I decided to tell it all, but the most important thing that has happened to me is the clarity of thought I have received over the months of the lockdown. I’ve become more aware of the things going on around me. I have become more aware of my strengths and my weaknesses. I have become more aware of my graces and my failings. But above all these awarenesses is the one that leaves me in awe every moment it comes to mind:
The stories of my life are movie-worthy, and even though a lot of the details remain hidden within the ink of the lazy writer that I am, I’ve been privileged to share a number of stories that testify of this depth of love that I speak of. I look at myself and see the mess I would have made of my life if I never handed the reins over to Jesus. And then I see the times when I snatched those reins from His hands and almost ran myself into a ditch, but in His mercy, I found myself on the other side, safe, with barely a scratch. Oh, there were times I crashed, and my head and heart wounds seemed incurable, but Jehovah-Rapha, the Healer, touched me and I was made whole. Why does He love me so?
The devil has come for my mind many times. His voice has spoken words of condemnation and defeat, and many times his lies have tried to throw me over the edge. But my awareness of God’s love for me irrespective of what happens around me helps me recognise any voice that isn’t His. He’ll never tell me I’m not good enough, so whenever I hear such a statement, I know it’s from the one who wants to destroy me and steal my joy. Whenever I hear how much everyone hates me, I know it’s the liar again, because he disregards the love my Saviour has for me. Whenever I hear those words that seek to take my eyes off my Lord and place them on my insecurities and flaws, I know their source and address them accordingly:
“. . . casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ . . .”2 Corinthians 10:5
This year, many have lost their lives and lost loved ones. Many have lost their sources of livelihood and others have lost relationships. If I had been one of those who died this year, God would still be good, because irrespective of what happens around us, God is good. The goodness of God surpasses our expectations, and when we try to put Him in a box and decide what He can and cannot do, we realise how miserable our lives will become. This year, I have accepted this truth and it has cleaned the fog off my windscreen.
As I continue to follow His lead for the rest of this year and the rest of my life as He leads me through meadows and through the valley of the shadow of death, I won’t be afraid. His love is the type that cannot be refunded: it’s mine forever.
I’ll leave you with these words He gave me as I prayed for some dear friends of mine:
You may walk through a dark tunnel and many might say that there is a light at the end of it, but I want you to know that the Light is right there in that tunnel with you, leading you to the exit.
This is my testimony for 2020, and I pray the same for you!